I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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