dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
