There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
