Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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