Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
