ugly people sure do ruin things
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We had sex on a dog bed..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
