Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
