insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
