Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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