I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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