btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
