I wanna passion pit in your ass
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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