Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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