Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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