Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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