I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
