just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
