He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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