Your face is a jimmy john
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
