You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
