i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dignity is for republicans.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
