He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
