I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
