so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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