Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it's like iHOP with fire
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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