I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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