I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
is it fun? or sober?
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