you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
