Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
