eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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