i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
