also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
