you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
