Only a mothe r could love this liver
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
