Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
