he was CRYING into my vagina
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
