we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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