Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
