M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
