I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
