drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had sex on a roof
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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