Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
