I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
