I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
