We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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