i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
