The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
