Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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