she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
