Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
