you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
