You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
