they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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