There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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