I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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