i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
