Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
