"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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