Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
