swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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