I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
