please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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