I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
