She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
