I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize