RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
