make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You dont lie about slip and slides
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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