Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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