so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
