Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
