I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
