I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
