you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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