Sry I called you an 8
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
