It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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