This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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