Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.