ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
