did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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