This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
