My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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