I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
