no, he came in my armpit
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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