I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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