if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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