would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well I just put wine in my tea
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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