Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
