Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
