He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
