Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so let's talk penis.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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