I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
